had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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