just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
