Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
