Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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