Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
