Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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