The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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