There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
