after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
