U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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