do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
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I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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