i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
accomplished twins. life is a go
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
