maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
