I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What a dumb baby whore.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
