She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
