I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this just has baby written all over it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
