He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
God I need to hump something, right now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
