I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Damn victory sex feels great
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
