During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
