I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
