I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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