I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
