I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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