That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
