I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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