I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
