Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
