How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize