Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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