somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
