That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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