I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Your cock deserves a montage
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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