hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
