You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
