I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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