Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
