I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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