I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I could fuck to npr.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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