Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We're too hungover to prance.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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