i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
