i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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