Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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