i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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