Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
