somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
