my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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