Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
