sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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