oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
