Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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