On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
