This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
