She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
