im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
