think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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