sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
