i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
