I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
