Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
