he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
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It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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