I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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