are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize