Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
