I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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