You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
