bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
