Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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