Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
