So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
