If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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