I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
soo... how was my night?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
