Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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