wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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