I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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