I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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