my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
