'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
