Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize