I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
