I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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