i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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