I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
